On this journey, I have one goal to obtain and it's to be healthy physically and mentally.
As of today, I have 14 days until my surgery. I have been working hard making healthy food choices.
Proudly, I can say that I'm able to say "No" to things that I love to eat with out having that "That poor me, I'm so deprived", attitude. While that is going good, I still have problems with the mental part of this journey. I'm determined to see this through.
At this moment I'm dealing with Fatorexia. Yes, I had to look it up to see if what I'm going through has a name. The definition is Over weight people who deny that they are fat. It's the opposite of anorexia.
I will make comparison with someone that is severely obese and say to myself "I'm not fat", I don't need to have surgery". Or have the I'm skinny feeling after loosing a few pounds. To bring myself back to reality, I have to look at a picture or look in a mirror. I know this can not be fixed over night. I have been comparing myself to others all my life. Sadly my Mother would compare me to others. So, I would eat to hide my feelings. I'm not the type of person to use my raising as an excuse for my failures, I totally own those myself. But the past few months I have trying to come to terms with my relationship with her. I may never know the reason's why, until I get to Heaven. Right now I am hanging onto the verse Psalms 139:14 "I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well." God had wonderfully made me and he wants me healthy for his glory.
Pressing towards the goal one day at a time.
Too busy I guess.....
4 years ago