Are you what you think you are?

On this journey, I have one goal to obtain and it's to be healthy physically and mentally.

As of today, I have 14 days until my surgery. I have been working hard making healthy food choices.
Proudly, I can say that I'm able to say "No" to things that I love to eat with out having that "That poor me, I'm so deprived", attitude. While that is going good, I still have problems with the mental part of this journey. I'm determined to see this through.

At this moment I'm dealing with Fatorexia. Yes, I had to look it up to see if what I'm going through has a name. The definition is Over weight people who deny that they are fat. It's the opposite of anorexia.
I will make comparison with someone that is severely obese and say to myself "I'm not fat", I don't need to have surgery".  Or have the I'm skinny feeling after loosing a few pounds. To bring myself back to reality, I have to look at a picture or look in a mirror. I know this can not be fixed over night. I have been comparing myself to others all my life. Sadly my Mother would compare me to others. So, I would eat to hide my feelings. I'm not the type of person to use my raising as an excuse for my failures, I totally own those myself. But the past few months I have trying to come to terms with my relationship with her. I may never know the reason's why, until I get to Heaven. Right now I am hanging onto the verse Psalms 139:14 "I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well." God had wonderfully made me and he wants me healthy for his glory.

Pressing towards the goal one day at a time.

New Beginnings

Hello,

It's been a while since my last post. Have been very busy with life as everyone else has. 

Will not bore you with all that has gone since 2011 but will share some of the highlights from 2016.

The first half of the year was great. In March, my husband had given me a surprise birthday party for my 50th birthday.  Yes, I can't believe it either. Then in April we were celebrating our 26th year Anniversary and his birthday. For my birthday, our anniversary and his birthday, David was taking us on a 10 day cruise. Totally enjoyed it and spending a few days in Florida afterwards. Afterwards came home and was busy working in our church with all the summer activities. 

August was not so good. On August the 1st, my husband and I were empty nesters. Our baby girl that is 21 yrs old, had moved out on her own. WOW! Big adjustment there, but enjoying it now. The 2nd thing that happen on the 1st was my brothers and I had to put our mother into a nursing home. My middle brother had lived with her and had done most of the care for her. Her health had gotten so bad with COPD, Dementia, her heart and several others things, that he was not able to give her the care that she needed. Her health continued to decline and 2 days after the 6th anniversary of our Father's passing, she died on September 17th. We said our last good byes to her on the 23rd until we meet again in Heaven. Then sadly on Sept 30th, my middle brother had passed away from a major heat attack. 

October and November were a blur to me, still have rough days. 

The 1st of December I had made a decision that I needed to get healthy. I'm 5'1" and have been chunky all my life, except during my early 20's. After getting married and having a baby at 29 yrs, I had stayed around 150 lbs for several years. Which was still less than my 172 lbs as a teenager. Now over 200 lbs. Before I met my husband, I had fell through the 2nd floor of my families home during construction. I had recovered, so I thought. At the age of 35, I had my 1st back surgeries. Since then I have had 2 more back surgeries, a neck and shoulder surgeries. I was diagnosed with Degenerative Disc Disease. I live in constant pain from my back. Also dealing with high blood pressure and high cholesterol.

Now after saying all that, I have decided to not fool around with health anymore. For many, many years, I have tired all kinds of diets that were of no success. So after much research, prayer and friend's testimonies. I have decided to have a Gastric Sleeve surgery to help loose weight.  

As of today, my surgery is scheduled for Jan 25th. My weight at the beginning of this journey was 210 lbs. I have been working on my pre-op diet, even thou I don't have to start until a week before surgery. Yesterday, I weighed 204 lbs. Not sure what kinds of thing I will share in my posts. Right now my feelings are "nervous, scared, but hopeful". My goals for the rest of my life are to be more healthy from eating right, exercising and getting closer to God. God Bless you